World History - As it Really Might Have, Possibly, Kinda Happened
|
||||||||||
| Printer Friendly Story View |
(Blogger Note: I didn't write this. I'm not even sure that I agree with any of it. But, it made me smile. So, I wanted to share. That's what Blogs are all about. Apologies up-front to my favorite liberal friends, Nancy & Tom.)
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
The two most important events in all history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.
These inventions were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst that split all of humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor the aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is now known as The Conservative Movement.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of The Liberal movement.
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include: the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that the conservatives provided.
Over the years, conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth - the elephant.
Liberals, on the other hand, are symbolized by the Jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists (oops), home interior designers, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to actually work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that a liberal might have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above.
Please fight the feeling.
| Printer Friendly Story View |
|
|
O. J. Cunningham |
|
|
|
Printer-Friendly Story View
0200 Nd: 05-15-2024 d 4 cpr 0
12/31/2020 P3v3-0200-Ad.cfm
SPONSORED LINKS
12/31/2020 drop ads P3v3-0200-Ad.cfm