Relationships - Love? Hate? What's Changed?
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Are you in a love/hate relationship?
Chances are it seemed to start out as a "love relationship".
What happened?
Certainly it is not uncommon to hear "What happened to the person I was dating?" or "this isn't the person I married".
Often we find that once we are in a day to day living situation with someone, it can seem that something "changes" over time. The ways people react to these changes vary but can include possessiveness, jealousy, control, withdrawal and unspoken resentment, the need to be right, insensitivity and self absorption, emotional demands and manipulation, the urge to argue, criticize, judge, blame, or attack, anger, unconscious revenge for past pain, and as if all of the above isn't bad enough, sometimes rage and violence.
Whew!
Interestingly, we can cycle through periods of love/hate for months, or even years. It is also very possible for couples to become "addicted" to these cycles as the drama associated with them is in some ways exciting and makes them feel alive. When the negative, destructive cycles occur with increasing frequency and intensity, it generally signals the collapse of the relationship. Logically, one would think that if you could just eliminate the negative cycles all would be wonderful.
Unfortunately this is not always the case. In a positive cycle, you feel "in love" with your partner. You feel alive and satisfied in that someone needs you, wants you, and "makes" you feel special and you do the same for him or her. Sounds good"but sometimes it's possible to notice that the intensity can have a clingy, needy quality to it.
If this is the case, perhaps you have become addicted to the other person and he or she acts on you like a drug. You are "high" when the other person is available, but even the possibility or the thought that there may come a point when they are not can lead back to the negative-jealousy, possessiveness, manipulation, blaming and accusing fear of loss.
"Every addiction arises from an unconscious refusal to face and move through your own pain. Every addiction starts with pain and ends with pain. Whatever the substance you are addicted to-alcohol, food, legal or illegal drugs, or a person"you are using something or somebody to cover up your pain." (Tolle, 1999, The Power of Now) So-rather than the relationship being the cause of your pain, perhaps the relationship is bringing out the pain that is already within you.
The good news is that it is possible to change an addictive relationship into a positive one and bring an end to the negativity in your life. The possibility starts with a desire to do so and the willingness to seek out the answers.
You're worth it!
Or Contact Margo Charlebois at:
807 E Midland St, Bay City, MI 48706
(989) 895-4420
807 E Midland St, Bay City, MI 48706
(989) 895-4420
http://www.time4achangecounseling.com
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Margo A. Charlebois - Therapy, Medicine |
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