Sex Scandal Erupts in Florida Senior Citizen Community, The Villages
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You know the place in Florida where folks ride golf carts all over and visit friends house to house.
Sure, you heard of it. The Villages it's called. A senior citizen paradise. Many more women than men.
Ultra conservative, Republican voting, Wall Street Journal reading seniors, mainly, hang out there.
Well, hang on to your rocking chair because a scandal has broken out in The Villages.
It seems many of those elderly retirees aren't stopping over to Maude's place just for tea. They're, well, how do I put this delicately -- HAVING SEX!!!!
Frank Kaiser, a columnist for Suddenly Senior -- "Florida's most trusted senior citizen website," commented recently "Folks here in Florida don't know whether to laugh or gross out.
"A few weeks back, Orlando's Channel 6 reported that sexually transmitted diseases among seniors are widespread at a Central Florida retirement community called The Villages.
"Viagra, a lack of sex education, and no pregnancy risk were blamed.
Frank revealed in his blockbuster column that a gynecologist interviewed by Local 6 reporter, Vanessa Medina, exclaimed that she treats more cases of herpes and human papilloma virus in the retirement community than she did when practicing in "anything goes" Miami.
One prime situation is that there are about seven women to every man in The Villages.
Now, folks, I'm just telling you this for your information: don't let the word get around up North, OK?
This is Frank, reporting from the scene again: "The Villages, a pleasant community with some 60,000 seniors, advertises, "When the sun goes down, the fun comes up?" The mirth never ends!
"Until the current "sex scandal," the community was better known as an ultra-conservative enclave of Republicans. The developer and CEO of the Villages is a Bush Pioneer."
Well, nobody ever said Republicans weren't human, except maybe Howard Dean.
Frank goes on in his Suddenly Senor column, as is his wont:
"So what are we to make of all this?
"Last week, by chance I ran into a resident of the place. I put the question to her. "I blame it on a lack of Bible education," she replied. "No true Christians act that way."
"Maybe not. And just maybe, it's all the pizza delivery guy's fault.
"Personally, I tend to see this as a positive trend. The sex part, not the VD."
A Florida friend says, tongue in cheek, "this gives a whole new meaning to VD (Villages Disease).
Frank goes on:
"Turns out The Villages boasts some 500 clubs -- "something for everyone," they say.
"I can only hope that tucked in there somewhere between volunteering to deliver Meals on Wheels and Tuesday night's Advanced Line Dancing is "Wrinkle Swapping," competitions at the South Jacuzzi on Saturday evenings, overnight "Golf Cart Key-Trade Parties," and that perennial favorite at retirement communities everywhere, "Spin the Pill Bottle and See Who You Go Home With. (Bring your glasses.)
"I'll tell you, for a bunch of duffers, we certainly have good times.
"Isn't it about time? After all, you never know which fling will be your last."
My comment: Please, Michigan male oldtimers, don't stampede for the airport. But if you do, remember what they tell the kids.
I don't have to spell it out for you, do I? ###
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