I'm Not Easily Offended -- (OK, That's a Lie)

So Please . . . Don't EVER question my TEKKIE skills.

June 8, 2016
By: O. J. Cunningham

I'm pretty tech savvy.

(SERIOUSLY! Why would I lie?)

You have to have tech skills these days just to accomplish the simplest tasks.

However, communication using 2016 technology is only as good as the give-and-take between participants. Not everyone is "up to speed" like you and I are.

In "TECHIE" terms, we call it a "chair to keyboard interface problem".

Recently, I was tending to a simple business matter that required me to send a "proof of income" statement to one of the participants. Sounds simple? Right?

Turned out not to be simple at all.

I had already emailed it, faxed and sent the income proof via the U. S. Postal Service when the administrative assistant (AA) of the intended recipient of the paperwork telephoned me and "sarcastically" suggested that perhaps I should have someone in my "technology group" resend the paperwork since I couldn't seem to "get it done.".

Whhaaaaaaatt? I don't even have a technology group. In fact, I AM a technology group.

Anyone that frequently reads my column knows that I'm not easily offended -- (OK, that's a lie) -- So . . . OK, I was offended by this guy.

NO! I was REALLY OFFENDED by this pretentious, condescending, millienial a$$hole.

I did not know WHY the paperwork was not getting through. But I DID know that the problem was NOT on my end. And even though I'm not easily offended (LIAR!), I decided to make sure that the idiot AA was going to answer for his attitude with respect to my lack of tech skills.

(YOU DIDN'T HEAR THIS FROM ME)

I created a phoney Gmail account and then created a fictitious, personal, administrative assistant.

I emailed the offending AA from the phoney Gmail account. In the email, I said that the requested paperwork was attached. (I attached a 4-page, blank PDF.)

He called.

I let the call go to voicemail.

My fictitious AA then emailed him from the phoney email and said how sorry he was for the problem on the recipient's end since we were looking at the same email and everything looked as it should be and that we would resend.

I then emailed him a postscript file from an old Pagemaker program and renamed it to look like a PDF. YUP! You guessed it! He couldn't open it. He called. I sent him to voicemail, again.

Next . . . my fictitious AA emailed back and said that since the offensive snot-nosed AA was having so many computer problems that maybe a fax was the best idea.

I then faxed him a completely filled out, beautiful cover sheet and 4 blank pages.

When he called, (I sent him to voicemail) and then I sent him a jpg of me holding the 4 pages - just close enough to the camera so that the jackass schmuck could see that the pages weren't blank.

I then overnighted the income info via FedEx directly to the Executive Director of the company with a note saying ... I used FedEx because there seemed to be administrative issues on his end.

That's right . . . Like I told you earlier . . . I'm not easily offended.