Bay City, Michigan 48706
Front Page Photo of the Day Log-IN About us June 4, 2003
(Prior Story)   Columns ArTicle 205   (Next Story)

Weather Alert?
I'm not anal, I just need to know

Weather Alert?
My Fishing Buddy Dan Says - "Look Out The Window, Dummy."

June 4, 2003       Leave a Comment
By: O. J. Cunningham

Printer Friendly Story View

What I Want . . .
What I Get . . .

Local on the 8's . . .

If you know what that phrase means, keep reading. 'Cuz you're one of us.

If you're scratching your head . . . just maybe this bit of opinion is not for you . . .

. . . and thenperhaps, as my sweet 16-year-old princess of a daughter, Jessica might say (with a smile, of course . . .
and no offense intended, Dad)

. . . "Click Off!"

A Sad Tale Of Woe

Here's what happened to me. My tale of woe. And I share it with you just because this degree of evil should never befall another human being.

Two weeks ago, 7:00 a.m., I'm minding my own business, sipping coffee in my comfy kitchen, wondering what ever happened to global warming and watching the Weather Channel.

Little did I know that my life was about to change.

Without warning, Heather Tesch, the first chair, on-air (I wonder what she gets for annual salary) meteorologist, makes me an offer I can't refuse. (Remember, it's 7:00 a.m., first cup of coffee . . . all that baggage. I guess I could have refused . . . but . . .) Anyway, the cherub-faced, blonde-haired vixen entices me with a beguiling smile and her tantalizing promise of up-to-the-minute weather forecasting on my desktop via the web link We're talking desktop weather here! And let's not diminish thefact that I don't even have to ask for it. Remember . . . It is (Can you believe it?) automated.

How can I refuse? I signed up. Actually, I think it was my son, Christopher's idea. But really! What choice was there? We're talking up-to-the-minute weather here folks! 24/7 weather. Yes Sir. That's what I want. What I need! What we all need! 24/7 weather.

Big Mistake . . .

My outdoor social life is now in the toilet. Am I a big fan of the Weather Channel?Not anymore. Did I like Heather Tesch? First Outlook! Marshall Seese, Jim Cantori? Oh Yeah! Travel Weather? Yes Sir! Show me a little Jet Stream. Offshore flow? That's me, baby! Wrap-around low! C'mon. Bring it on. How can anyone ever have too much 5-DayBusiness Planner?

So that was me every day at 7:00am.

Day after day, I looked forward to Heather's morning dance in front of the national weather map. Pointing here! Motioning there! Like Blimpies . . . It was a beautiful thing.

Heather Tesch
It's a Beautiful Thing

Now it's all gone. Everything is lost. Since I joined the "Weather Alert Cult," they're watching my every move. (Don't roll your eyes at me like that!) I know they are. I'm on their growing list of "weather geeks." Oh sure! They send me the desktop weather forecast every day. Just like they promised. I even get bulletins about tornado warnings in places like Oklahoma and flood footage from Mississippi. Every morning, there it is. The Weekly Planner. I click. I look ahead. Like a good boy, I plan. I see Wednesday is going to be 75 degrees and sunny.

I make plans. I'll cut the grass. Maybe go fishing. Organize a cook-out.

Isee Sunday's forecast . . . warm . . . light wind . . . Perhaps a round of golf? Let's invite mom over . . . that might be nice too.

So I make commitments. I send e-mails. Organize events . . .But they're watching, listening . . . Heather and Marshall and that really old guy named John, I think, that knows wayyyyyyyy too much about hurricanes . . . Since I joined their cult, they're all locked onto my desktop IP address, monitoring my every click, scanning my e-mails. Waiting . . . lurking . . . watching . . . meteorological devils, poised and ready to change the actual weather (based on my personal plans) to nasty, wet, windy, cold, rainy . . . ruining everything.

I can't live like this anymore. . . It's got to stop. No moreweather addiction for me. I'm breaking out of the Cult. I'm taking the 12-step de-programming program. Say goodbye, sweet Heather. Bon Voyage, Marshall. I really don't care anymore where all the USA lightning strikes were last night. Really! I Don't.

But Wait! What's that? Palm Pilot Weather, you say? I can get instant weather . . . maps in motion . . . Instant? . . . Right here? . . . Right Now? . . . On my Palm Pilot? Wireless weather!

You're Teasing! It's so obvious. Of course! Why didn't I think of it sooner? Palm Pilot Weather . . . Palm Pilot Maps in Motion.

Now you're talkin' Way Cool!

Where do I sign up?

Printer Friendly Story View
Prior Article

June 17, 2018
by: Jesse Pero
Bay Arts Council is BACC Hot Spot for 6/18/2018
Next Article

June 17, 2018
by: Kathy Rupert-Mathews
MOVIE REVIEW: "Ocean's 8"
Agree? or Disagree?

O. J. Cunningham

O. J. Cunningham is the Publisher of Cunningham previously published Sports Page & Bay City Enterprise. He is the President/CEO of OJ Advertising, Inc.

More from O. J. Cunningham

Send This Story to a Friend!       Letter to the editor       Link to this Story
Printer-Friendly Story View

--- Advertisments ---

0200 Nd: 06-18-2018 d 4 cpr 0


(Ads not affiliated with Google)

Ads By
Jean Ann Deshano
Foreclosure List

Ads By
Click Here!
Come See What Everyone is Talking About!

Ads By
McLaren Bay Region
Visit Us Online!

Designed at OJ Advertising, Inc. (V3) (v3) Software by Mid-Michigan Computer Consultants
Bay City, Michigan USA
All Photographs and Content Copyright © 1998 - 2018 by OJA/MMCC. They may be used by permission only.
P3V3-0200 (1) 0   ID:Default   UserID:Default   Type:reader   R:x   PubID:mbC   NewspaperID:noPaperID
  pid:1560   pd:11-18-2012   nd:2018-06-18   ax:2018-06-22   Site:5   ArticleID:205   MaxA: 999999   MaxAA: 999999
CCBot/2.0 (