Just a Reminder . . . No More Capital Letters Unless You Pay Up

Greyhound Busses, Tomatoes, Todd Jones and Those Horrible OSU Buckeyes

August 7, 2008
By: O. J. Cunningham

I don't know about you . . . But I think it'll be more than a few weeks before I think about taking the bus . . . and leaving the driving to . . .

Greyhound has scrapped an ad campaign that extolled the relaxing up-side of bus travel after one of its passengers was accused of beheading and cannibalizing another traveler.

Could you repeat that!

I said: . . . after one of its passengers was accused of beheading and cannibalizing another traveler.

Talk about bad timing.

Greyhound was all ready to run a million-dollar ad campaign extolling the pleasantries of leaving the driving to them . . . when some passenger "snaps" and stabs a fellow-passenger to death and . . . (I'm not making this up . . .) STARTS EATING HIM.

Word is . . . They were circus people.

Well, I guess explains everything.



I'm more than happy to announce the demise of Tiger "Closer" Todd Jones. A special thanks goes out to everyone who voted in our recent Jones_a_thon. Jim Leyland is a MyBayCity subscriber . . . why would I lie? . . . so I'm pretty sure that it was MyBayCity's anti-Jones campaign that put Leyland over the edge.

Just as a side note: No one voted for Todd. Most voted for "Indy" but I myself kept banging the "ENTER" key for Paula Jones just cuz I thought it was the funniest choice.

Indy (Jones) won "going away" with 37% of the vote. Paula was a distant second with a mere 17%. (I did the best I could.)

After the recent 6-game losing streak, the shabby performance of Kevin Farnsworth and the inconsistent pitching of Zumaya and Rodney . . . It looks like only a trade for Brett Favre could save the season for our struggling Tigers.

Or as my good buddy Tim Roller said on Wednesday . . . "If I only had a quarter for every time I'm going to hear Brett Favre's name today . . ."



On a lighter note . . . A sign on a local drive-through fast food window announced this week that a slice of tomato would no longer be included on some particular burger sandwiches.

If you want tomato . . . It's OK . . . But it'll cost you 15 cents.

NOTE: Please don't tell my wife, Donna, that I was in a fast-food drive-through. I know she never reads my column, so . . . Don't rat me out.

This brand of revenue enhancement is in line with the trend in a number of industries of charging for what used to be included -- Such as carry-on baggage and steering wheels on new cars.

Keeping with this Trend: Beginning next week . . . MyBayCity (and all other OJ Advertising publications) will begin charging extra for CAPITAL LETTERS.

It will be simple from our perspective -- There will be two versions of MyBayCity. One with CAPITAL LETTERS and one without capital letters.

Those who wish to continue to receive their MYBAYCITY with CAPITAL LETTERS should contact Marlo Leveling in advertising sales. Or you can merely send in $500 each week and we'll be sure that you continue to get the full-blown (CAPITAL LETTER) version.

If this works to our advantage, in 2009, we will consider charging for punctuation.

My cousin Mike (You know who you are) sent me this list of questions and answers with respect to the Ohio State University (OSU) football program.

This report (in red) appeared just this week on a National Sports web site pertaining to OSU Football.

COLUMBUS, Ohio: Ohio State suspended cornerback Donald Washington and backup safety Jamario O'Neal for the first two games of the season for violating team policy.

Both players will miss the season opener against Youngstown State and the next game against Ohio University.

HERE ARE THE QUESTIONS: (REMEMBER -- NEXT WEEK YOU WONT BE ABLE TO SEE ANYTHING IN CAPITAL LETTERS UNLESS YOU SEND MONEY TO MARLO.)

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A lady in Columbus calls 911. Hysterically, she says, "Someone's just broke into my house, and I think he's going to rob me!"

The police officer says, "We're really busy at the moment. Just get the guy's jersey number and we'll get back to you."

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Q: What is the OSU coaching staff's biggest concern?

A: Does the NCAA count bail money as a recruiting violation?

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Q: What do you call a drug ring in Columbus ?

A: A huddle

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Q: Four OSU players in a car, who's driving?

A: The police

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Q: Why can't most of the OSU players get into a huddle on the field?

A: It is a parole violation to associate with known felons.

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The OSU team has adopted a new Honor System.

"Yes, your Honor; No, your Honor".

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The Buckeyes are expecting a 7-6 season this year.

7 Arrests, 6 convictions.

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Q: How will the Buckeyes spend the first week of Spring Training?

A: Studying their Miranda Rights

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