Happy Mother's Day
Mother's Day Humor
May 7, 2011
By: MyBayCity Staff
"Mothers of teenagers know why animals eat their young." - Author Unknown
"Mothers are all slightly insane." - J.D. Salinger
"I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them." - Phyllis Diller
"It takes a woman twenty years to make a man of her son, and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him." - Helen Rowland
"The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found." - Calvin Trillin
"All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his." - Oscar Wilde
"A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie." - Tenneva Jordan
"There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it." - Chinese Proverb
"You don't really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around - and why his parents will always wave back." - William D. Tammeus.
"My mother's menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it." - Buddy Hackett
"Any mother could perform the jobs of several air-traffic controllers with ease." - Lisa Alther
"My mother had to send me to the movies with my birth certificate, so that I wouldn't have to pay the extra fifty cents that the adults had to pay." - Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
"My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it." - Mark Twain
Mother's Day Jokes -- While assembling furniture, Mary asked her roommate's five-year-old son to bring her a screwdriver. "Do you want a 'Daddy' screwdriver or a 'Mommy' screwdriver?" the little boy asked. Confused with the question, Mary said, "Bring me a 'Mommy' screwdriver." The child came back and handed her a butter knife.
For weeks, a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house. One day, the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event. The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?" Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"
A mother and her young son returned from the grocery shop and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table. "What are you doing?" his mother asked. "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "Therefore I'm looking for the seal", he cutely said.