Weekend TV Golf Sucks Without Tiger Woods

Golf without Tiger is like watching women's tennis without Venus and Serena

August 14, 2011
By: O. J. Cunningham

I'm sure that Keegan Bradley's mom is happy and all of Keegan's aunts and uncles are all tuned into Sunday coverage of the PGA Championship of Golf.

Likewise, Jason Dufner's grand-mother is probably glued to the TV, knitting something for one of her great grandchildren.

And I'm certainly sure that Robert Karlsson, Anders Hansen and Brendan Steele will all have plenty to talk about when they go to their 5-year high school reunion next year and laugh about the name of the trophy that Scott Verplank almost won in Atlanta -- The Wannamaker Trophy. (Yes, that's the name of the trophy).

No giggling allowed.

But frankly, my dear . . . I really don't give a damn.

Who the hell are these no-names and why are they playing golf on my television.

I don't know them.

I don't want to know them.

I don't play fantasy golf so none of these players' names have any meaning to me.

They all look the same. They all play the same. They are boring and I can't think of one good reason to be watching these golf wannabees --- unless it's to say that I was watching when a guy using a "belly-putter" won a Major golf tournament --- Even if it called the Wannamaker Trophy.

Nicklaus? - Palmer? - Trevino? . . .

Sergio? - Faldo? - Monte? . . .

Tiger? - Phil? . . . even Rory . . .

Somebody better do something about the PGA Golf game. And do it quick. Watching golf without Tiger is like watching women's tennis without Venus and Serena.

Seriously . . . Jason Dufner . . . Dufner? What the hell's a "DUFNER?"

For that matter . . . What's a "KEEGAN?" SNORE . . . I'm sorry . . . Did I doze off? . . . What hole are they on? Is it over yet?

Maybe I can find some Kardashian reality TV or maybe a Patti Stanger Millionaire Matchmaker . . . I must have something on the DVR . . .

For the record, I'm only watching golf because (a) it's raining, (b) Notre Dame football doesn't start until September 3rd, (c) the Lions played yesterday and (d) the Tigers have already lost to the Orioles and the US Open Tennis is Labor Day weekend.

I wonder if Tiger is watching the PGA final round?

I bet he isn't.

Tiger's probably got a Netflix subscription or is playing "Angry Birds" on his I-Phone while his Lear Jet is on the way to the Bahamas or somewhere exotic.

I've still got two more hours of Dufner and Keegan and Anders Karlsson (note the two s's) . . .

It's horrible getting old.

Seriously . . . it's called the Wannamaker Trophy?

Why would I lie?

It's the Wannamaker Trophy . . . Really . . . I promise . . . It is.