All You Can Eat? I Think Not!
October 23, 2011
By: Josh Sharrow
I feel like the buffet attendants are judging me when I go back for plate number 4!
I'm a big guy.
I won't deny that.
When I go to an all you can eat buffet, It discourages me when the waitress is super attractive, and very much in shape.
Would you like another salad sir?
No I want another bucket of crab legs, extra butter this time please.
But since I feel like your judging me, another salad will be fine.
Then the age old question of what kind of dressing would you like? We have Ranch, French, Italian, Creamy Italian, and FAT FREE (Cough, Cough)Raspberry Vinaigrette!
Excuse me miss do you have a cold, or are you suggesting I'm going to break your chair if I don't try the Fat Free dressing?
On a side note, we visited Universal Studios a few years back, and they have really embraced fat guys like me. They now have bigger seating available in the rear of most rides. They also have seats for you to "Try out" in the front of the ride.
Let's skip the embarrassment of not fitting in the ride once you've waited in line for the last hour with all your friends, just to find out you don't fit in the seat!
Now your friends who waited in line with you, feel like they should leave the ride as well!
Let's skip the embarrassment of being stuck in the ride, due to the fact the lap bar is already cutting off circulation to the lower part of my body, and the ride operator has to call maintenance!
Sound like I'm speaking from experience?
Well I am!
Back to the buffet story now.
I feel like the buffet attendants are judging me when I go back for plate number 4!
All of a sudden I stop getting Diet Coke refills.
Don't judge me for eating 4 plates of food and still drinking Diet Coke either, that's another column, I don't like the taste of regular pop.
I'm not going to a buffet so I can have one plate of food and move along, I paid $9.00 for this and I'm going to eat $18.00 worth of food!
I'll play by the rules, I'll use a new plate each time, I won't use my hands to pick up the bread sticks, and I'll only sneeze on the sneeze guard.
You no come here no more, OK?
Pass the Fat-Free Dressing please!