SawzAll . . . My Tool of Choice

November 13, 2011
By: O. J. Cunningham

Ask anyone that knows me. I'm no "Tim The Tool Man Taylor."

And I'm not a "Mr. Fix-It" by any stretch of the definition.

But yesterday, I moved a few ticks higher on Handyman List here at the Cunningham household.

To make a long story short, the bathroom toilet seat somehow got cracked. This is seriously horrible since every time I plunk my buttocks down on the seat, the crack (in the seat) splits open and pinches my Lilly white butt-cheek. I think anyone would agree that this is a problem that needs immediate fixing.

Here's my story . . . Now, I've changed a few toilet seats in my day. So after a quick trip to Home Depot, I'm back home, laying on the bathroom floor . . . face up . . . under the toilet . . . with pliers in hand.

As any "Manly Man" knows . . . All you gotta do is just unscrew the little plastic knobby thingys . . . pop off the old seat . . . Replace with the new . . . Viola!

It's that simple. A ten minute job.

But Wait!

Does anyone else have this same problem as I do?

It seems, at least to me . . . No matter how many bolts or screws or fasteners that need to be taken off whatever I'm working on . . . there's always ONE that's not going to co-operate. Truthfully . . . I have NEVER been able to get all the bolts off when trying to change a tire.

NEVER!

I don't mean to bore you with the obvious . . . but there's only two (2) measly fasteners to undo to remove a toilet seat. Of course, I got the first one off using only my fingers.

And now begins my tale of woe.

I'll give you the Reader's Digest version.

2nd fastener won't come off.

I try wiggling the seat to loosen the plastic holder. Nothing Doing.

I try pliers . . . Bad Idea.

I try hammer . . . Worse Idea.

After hitting the plastic fastener with the hammer, I realized I'm hitting the wrong damn fastener. I'm actually whacking on a screw holding the toilet's water supply to the base and (no surprise here) . . . the vibration has caused water to start leaking out of the toilet water reservoir .

Water is dripping on my face . . . Crap . . . No pun intended.

I turn off the water to the toilet and empty the water out . . . Re-tighten the leaking screw and say a silent prayer as I let water re-flow back into the device. No permanent damage. No Leak. All is good. No one will ever know how close I came to a "great flood" type of disaster.

Back to the plastic fastener.

Two different pairs of pliers later, the seat is still attached, the plastic fastener has been worn smooth and little scraps of plastic are all over the floor.

Frustrated, I headed back to the garage . . . Epiphany . . .! THERE IT WAS . . . Hanging there on the wall . . . SAWZALL . . .

In minutes . . . I sawed that damn screw off at the base . . . Swept of the few shavings on the floor . . . Checked (again) to make sure there was no water leaking anywhere . . . And I was done.

Next Project: First Tool of Choice = Have SAWZALL . . . Will Travel.