Thinking Out Loud
I Shop-Therefore I Am

April 29, 2012
By: Diane Szczepanski

"The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one." ~ Erma Bombeck

I went into the local home improvement supply store to pick up a mop.

I came out with $133.29 worth of assorted...well, to put it as delicately as I can, crap.

At least I DID get the mop. I've been known to walk into a store specifically for something like say, nail polish remover, only to get a case of "I don't remember what I came in for" blues, which seems to take over my brain. I then usually walk out 30 minutes later with 2 bags full of stuff.

Neither of them containing the nail polish remover I went in for.

Fortunately, this time the mop at least made it into the cart. But, if I had stuck to my resolve and got out of there promptly, it would have only set me back about $16, instead of the equivalent of two weeks worth of groceries.

For items I really didn't need.

There's just something about a home improvement store that gets my blood racing. Although as to why, I do not know. I am the world's least handiest person, I'm not that fond of home projects and I force myself to clean.

I guess hope springs eternal with the variety of items available, that I'll turn over a new leaf. From cleaning supplies, to minor home improvement items to major renovations, it's all there.

It beckons to me and gives me notions that I too can have shiny clean floors, a colorful new paint job on the walls and a cool patio conversation set, complete with a fire pit, gracing my deck. All for purchase under one roof.

So I succumb.

I find this happens in a lot of stores actually, but most noticeably the giant home improvement establishments.

I fell victim to this mysterious shopping syndrome when I went in for the mop and came out of the store much poorer, with a bunch of supplies I will probably never use.

For the, oh, millionth time.

In addition to having a much lighter checkbook balance, I was also the proud owner of 12 paper towels, 11 tiki torches, 10 wooden yardsticks, 9 vacuum hoses, 8 WD 40's, 7 drain cleaners, 6 bags of grass seed, 5 gold-en sinks, 4 plastic pails, 3 dish soaps, 2 solar lights and a partridge in a...well, actually no, they don't sell birds.

But...I could go to the pet store for that.

I know, I know. I'll grab the cart when I get there and get my credit card ready. Never know how many dog collars and chew toys, I'll think I'm going to need.

And no, I don't have a dog.