"Pintucky" Style Bachelor

January 25, 2013
By: Josh Sharrow

My wife watches The Bachelor. We live in a small house, under 1,000 square feet, which means I watch The Bachelor too. How un-realistic is this show?

Roughly 20 women go on this show to find love.

These women are all, for the most part, 9's or 10's on the woman attractiveness scale. Hell, I'm comfortable enough with my sexuality to say that even the "Bachelor" is a 10! How can't these attractive women find love? I've been watching the show for an hour now and I love most of them.

The Bachelor takes all these attractive women on over the top dates. If it wasn't for TV ratings, The Bachelor would be taking a bunch of hillbilly redneck, one tooth missin', cousin kissin' women, to the Bay County Fair in search of the hog their Uncle Bill raised. I guess you could call it "Pintucky Style Bachelor".

The rose ceremony, or the elimination portion of the show, is where The Bachelor hands out roses to the women he wants to keep kissing . . . I mean dating. In the real "Pintucky Style Bachelor" he hands out Slim Jims, a can of Busch Light and a prescription to Plan B.

After they are sent home, they all go out on the front porch and start to ugly cry on camera. If I ever get the chance to be on national TV again, other than Tim Roller's Whitetail Journey, I am so going to ugly cry on camera. Add that to my bucket list.

There is always one girl who becomes the most hated in the household, and if my research proves right, she normally wins. In the real "Pintucky Style Bachelor", if the women in the house don't like you, they meet you out behind the bowling alley and start filming "Pintucky Girl Fights" and post it on youtube.

I'm a sucker for reality TV, but this hardly seems like reality. The whole show is a farce, even if they do find true love, the couples never stay together very long. I'm pretty sure if you put 20 girls in one room with one fat radio personality, eventually one of the girls will fall in love with him. Once one girl falls in love they all fall in love. It's simple.