Chubby Checker Is Upset With an "APP" Called "The Chubby Checker"
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A TOOL of the Trade
THIS COLUMN IS RATED R -- R -- Restricted. Children Under 17 Require Accompanying Parent or Adult Guardian. An R-rated Column, in the view of the my wife, Donna, contains some adult material. An R-rated Column may include adult themes, adult activity, hard language, intense or persistent violence, sexually-oriented nudity, drug abuse or other elements, so that parents are counseled to take this rating very seriously. Children under 17 are not allowed to read R-rated Columns unaccompanied by a parent or adult guardian. Parents are strongly urged to find out more about R-rated Columns in determining their suitability for their children. Generally, it is not appropriate for parents to read R-rated Columns to their young children.
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In case you haven't been keeping up with news out of the music industry . . . Here's a few recent press notes:
The Hollywood Reporter -- Chubby Checker the singer has met Chubby Checker the app. And he's not happy about it.
New York Daily News -- Chubby Checker sues Hewlett-Packard over app that measures 'a man's manhood' --- 'The Chubby Checker' app is getting a rise out of the legendary musician who has decided to file a lawsuit against HP.
Detroit Free Press -- Singer Chubby Checker, 71, is in a twist over a software app that bears his name and is used to estimate the size of a man's man-part based on his shoe size. Mr. Checker is not dancing; he's suing.
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DISCLAIMER: My wife, Donna, told me not to write this column. Donna says the topic is "tacky and lacking in good taste." Donna says it is undignified and not up to the standards of MyBayCity. Donna says it's Sophomoric and I should be embarrassed. (Hard to believe we've been married over 35 years)
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I don't expect that most of you are old enough to remember or even recognize the name -- Chubby Checker.
I am old enough.
Play the YouTube video (below) if you want to see a Chubby Checker performance on Dick Clark's American Bandstand from the 1960s.
The singer, whose real name is Ernest Evans, recently filed a trademark infringement lawsuit against Hewlett Packard and Palm Inc. in federal court in Fort Pierce, Florida over the APP called "The Chubby Checker."
And Mr. Checker wants $500,000 in damages.
Say What??
First of all, I'll bet my next Social Security Check that the designers of the Chubby APP probably never even heard of Chubby Checker . . .and even if they did, they certainly had no idea that he was still alive. (I didn't.)
Secondly, the words "chubby" and "checker" are pretty generic and it's not likely that Mr. Checker is going to win his lawsuit since the APP makers only sold 87 copies at ninety-nine cents each ($86.13)and have since removed the APP from the Google and Apple distribution stores.
Two more things: There's gonna be legal fees.
And . . . somebody's going to re-issue the APP -- because it's needed -- but, probably under a different name.
And that's why I'm here for you today.
In PARAGRAPH ONE (Below) . . . you will find over 100 words that can be used (English Language/Slang) to name the man-part . . . previously referred to above as the "Chubby."
Further Below . . . in PARAGRAPH TWO . . . you can find any number of terms related to the act of measuring something/anything.
To come up with a replacement name for the "Chubby Checker" . . . simply "Pick one word from PARAGRAPH ONE and Pick One word from PARAGRAPH TWO (Preferably with same first letter) . . . Viola! -----> A new name for the APP.
And perhaps, a wee bit profit to use for Legal Defense.
(EDITOR'S NOTE: The word chubby is in PARAGRAPH ONE and the word checker is in PARAGRAPH TWO . . . Just Sayin' . . . )
PARAGRAPH ONE:
Wedding Tackle, Twig and Berries, Knob, Pole, Skin Flute, Fire Hose, Bone or Boner. (Generic Terms) Dick C*#@ Wiener Pecker Boner Hard on Thing Piece Member Tool Package Unit Shaft It (Lesser-Known Slang - perhaps British) Doinker Prick Cack Choad Chub Pud Schlong Wankie (Slang that could Pass for an Asian Name) Dong Wang Ding a ling Ding dong Long dong (Phallic Shaped Food) 100% all-beef thermometer Kielbasa Bratwurst Meat Popsicle Big Italian salami Meat thermometer Bologna pony Salami Sausage Tube steak Weenie Pork sword Noodle Banana Stinky pickle Corn dog (Magic Words) Magic wand Staff Divine Rod Magic mushroom tip (Love) Love muscle Love shaft Love stick Baby maker Ding Dong, Pencil Dick, Third Leg, Ding Dong, Baby Arm, Cock, Mushroom Tip, Love Muscle, Heat Seeking Love Missile, Beef Bayonet, Needle Dick. Meat Popsicle, Sausage, Corn Dog, Stinky Pickle, Banana, Bologna Pony, Teeny Weenie. (Body Parts to Describe Your Part) Main vein Middle leg Third leg Baby arm Heat-seeking love missile Beef bayonet (Tools of the Trade) Power drill Jack hammer Sports Equipment to Play with Wedding tackle Bat Club Rod Pole (Toys) Joystick Jack-in-the-box Little solider Tally Whacker This One is for the Groupies Skin flute Male organ (Characters) Mr. Happy Bald-Headed Yogurt Slinger Big Dick and the Twins Long Dong Silver Jimmy Johnson Little Chubby Captain Winky One Eyed Willy Ole One Eye One Eyed Monster Purple-Headed Soldier Purple Headed Warrior Peter Harry Johnson Captain Winky, Mr. Happy, Purple Headed Warrior, Little Chubby, One Eyed Monster Alabama snake Anaconda One eyed snake Hog The Salamander Purple headed cobra Electric eel Worm (Slang for BIG) Giant Redwood Horse c*%# Hung (Slang Words for SMALL) Pencil dick Needle dick Lincoln Log Tootsie Roll Tiny Tim Twig and berries Teeny weenie
PARAGRAPH TWO:
adapt, adjust, align, appraise, assess, average, beat, blend, bound, calculate, calibrate, caliper, check, check out, checker, choose, compute, delimit, demarcate, determine, dope out, estimate, evaluate, even, eye*, figure, fit, gauge, gradate, grade, graduate, guess, judge, level, limit, line, look over, mark, mark out, measure, mete, pace off, peg, plumb, portion, quantify, rank, rate, read, reckon, regulate, rhyme, rule, scale, shade, size, size up, sound, square, stroke, survey, tailor, take account, time, value, weigh
(All "Man-Part" Slang Words copied from http://tonguetiedtim.com/slang-words-for-p*@#*)
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O. J. Cunningham |
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