Thinking Out Loud
Early Bird

February 16, 2014
By: Diane Szczepanski

Morning is wonderful. Its only drawback is that it comes at such an inconvenient time of day.
Glenn Cook, Sweet Silver Blues

I'm not a morning person. Never have been. Never will be.

I've got to come peace with being the girl who catches her first wind about 1 in the afternoon and I have stopped beating myself up for not being Sally Sunshine when the birds start chirping.

I have struggled for years trying to fit into the schedule of an 8 to 5'er employee. Nothing about me feels ready for springing out of bed at 6:30 am.

In fact, I have scientifically calculated all the logistical angles from any possible sleeping position and have employed careful precise placement of my alarm clock. This done so that I can carry out hitting the snooze button repeatedly, without so much as opening my eyes or engaging any part of my body other than the motion of a swift thrust of my arm.

And they say blondes are dumb...

Maybe someday I will come to appreciate the morning sunrise more than I revel in the post sunset colors of twilight.

But until then, I will continue to scowl at the numbers on the clock that tell me to get up and get moving with heartless disregard of my body rhythms.

I shall remain in love, indefinitely, with the caffeine of morning coffee that assists me in my lethargic state.

I will linger unashamedly in my pajama's as long as humanly possible and will bite my tongue in an attempt at patience with the chipper morning people and their peppy attitude and sunny smiles.

I will notably swallow my jealousy at the energetic demeanor they are capable of so early in the day.

On that note, a relaxing breakfast date with me may be a crap shoot and akin to dining with Oscar The Grouch.

Let's do dinner instead, shall we?