Go Mulch Yourself!
May 18, 2014
By: O. J. Cunningham
Just say "NO" to mulch.
I hate mulch.
I hate everything about mulch.
I even hate the concept of mulch -- Which is to cover something up that's trying to grow where you don't want it to grow.
And yet, (Like the swallows that return to Capistrano) every year, I buy bags and bags and bags of red mulch to cover up . . . . wait for it . . . last year's mulch . . . mulch that is laying next to buildings or houses that I go in and out of.
I hate mulch so much that I'm naming "MULCH" as the official swear-word for the rest of the Summer of 2014.
If this catches on . . . and I'm sure there are others in the community who feel the same way about "MULCH" . . . so it may actually happen . . .
In the next few weeks, you just might start to hear phrases like:
Go mulch yourself.
What the mulch are you doing in my office?
Son of a mulch.
Why don't you just mulch up a rope?
Shut the mulch up.
Mulch-wipe.
Mulch on a stick.
Anti-mulchers UNITE!
Let everyone know you're one of us . . .
Tell someone to . . . "Stick it up your mulch."
Just say "NO" to yard work.