Ready to Rumble At the Home Depot (HD) Cart Corral
June 15, 2014
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By: O. J. Cunningham
You want a piece of me?
If you see me at Home Depot on a Saturday, it's probably best that you don't make eye contact or attempt to start a conversation.
It's not that I won't be happy to see you (after all these years) but I'll be pre-occupied with some kind of "honey-do" quest that has more to do with yard work than something to do with summer fun.
Last Saturday, I had a near road rage incident in the parking lot of Home Depot (HD) with some other unhappy yard slave. We were both obviously on missions to the HD for something to assist with yard work duties back at the old homestead.
It went something like this . . .
The interaction started as we both approached our parked vehicles in the Home Depot lot. Just to give you a clearer picture . . .
It was a dark and stormy afternoon.
Our vehicles were parked nose-to-nose near a shopping cart return corral area.
We were both wearing shorts and t-shirts.
We were both wearing our favorite headgear -- baseball hats with deer hunting motif. Mine referenced "Dead Down Wind."
I had on tennis shoes.
He wore sandals.
He was older.
NASTY OLD GUY: (Looking menacingly at the space between the front bumper of his car and the front bumper of my truck) "Parked kinda close, aren't you, pal," he sneered at me. "Ya almost hit me," he added.
SUPER FRIENDLY O. J.: (I stopped in my tracks and looked around to see if he was actually -- why would he be? -- talking to me) "If I was TRYING to hit you, I would have," I barked back.
NASTY OLD GUY: (As he tried to walk between cars, around the back of his vehicle -- to get in on the driver's side, -- he realized that the car "NEXT" to him was also parked too close to his.) "This SOB is parked so damn close I can't even get into my car," he blurted out (again) in my direction.
.... Remember now, he was standing on the passenger side of his car.
SUPER FRIENDLY O. J.: "Most people get into their cars on the driver's side," I fired back (sarcastically)
He walked around the back of his car and then opened his car door just as I was grabbing the handle of mine to do the same.
NASTY OLD GUY: "You're kind of a smart ass, ain't you?"
FRIENDLY O. J.: "Yes, I am," I said staring back.
We both got into our cars and sat there . . . face-to-face . . . like Old West gun-slingers . . . waiting for the other guy to make his move.
We stared . . . eye-to-eye . . . Neither of us blinked.
I knew I wasn't leaving first . . . no way!
Finally, he slowly backed out of his space and drove away without another look.
I smiled. I was the King of the Home Depot parking lot.
I dropped it into gear and drove ahead . . . "RIGHT THROUGH" his previous parking spot.
I had yard work to do.
"It's a good day, Tater," I said to myself.
O. J. Cunningham
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O. J. Cunningham is the Publisher of MyBayCity.com. Cunningham previously published Sports Page & Bay City Enterprise. He is the President/CEO of OJ Advertising, Inc.
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