According to the state of Michigan, there are, on average, 50,000 deer-car accidents each year on Michigan highways. Drive Faster . . . Hit Fewer Deer
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Disclaimer: I am not serious about this. I do not condone driving over the speed limit. I am never "serious" when I write in this space on MyBayCity. You should not take me seriously. You should not take anything about me seriously. If you hit a deer next week, it's not my fault. Don't even try to make it my fault. Seriously . . . Don't believe anything I say . . . EVER!
Please send an email to me at ojcunningham@gmail.com to say that you have read the fine print disclaimer. If you have not read the fine print disclaimer, you may not read the rest of this column. I'm serious about this. MY WIFE SAYS "YOU MUST READ THE FINE PRINT DISCLAIMER!"
Did you send the email . . .?
OK . . . You may continue to read.
Could I have your attention? Let's get started.OK . . . You may continue to read.
Thank you . . . Please take your seats . . . "Class" is about to begin.
First of all, anyone that's hit a deer with a car or any moving vehicle . . . Raise your hand.
AHHHHHHHH!! . . .Just as I thought.
Almost everyone I know, knows someone that has hit a deer with their automobile, truck or motorcycle. We all know someone that's "tagged" a deer on the highway.
I have not . . . ever . . . never . . . even come close to hitting a deer on a Michigan highway. And THAT'S why you're all here today. I'm going to share the reason for my good fortune.
Do you "pinky swear" that you READ THE FINE PRINT DISCLAIMER? If yes . . . You may continue. Seriously . . . Read the damn disclaimer. You don't even have to scroll up. Here it is again . . . This time in red.
But I know you didn't "do as you were told" and send me an email . . . so you probably didn't read the disclaimer either . . .
Disclaimer: I am not serious about this. I do not condone driving over the speed limit. I am never "serious" when I write in this space on MyBayCity. You should not take me seriously. You should not take anything about me seriously. If you hit a deer next week, it's not my fault. Don't even try to make it my fault. Seriously . . . Don't believe anything I say . . . EVER!
We return to further action . . .
The Reason I have not hit a deer: I have a theory . . . worked it all out with math. There are three (3) math majors in my immediate family . . . so that makes me an expert in this here math/science mumbo-jumbo.
And I don't want you to get all math/science nervous on me. It's not gonna be like a college lecture or anything like that. But I did the math. Worked it out on my calculator . . .
And, as they say . . . "the proof is in the pudding'" I haven't hit a deer. Have you? "Yes, you have." Enough said.
I don't know why you people keep hitting deer . . . when there's an easy solution . . . better yet, let's call it a "work-around" . . . just stay with me on this . . . .
The fact is that the "deer team" has never "scored" on me in all my years of Michigan driving. Yet, they score on you and your friends.
You think it's random.
I know it's not random. In fact, I can almost tell you who in the class will be the first to hit a deer in calendar year 2015. (Don't look at me like that.) Why would I lie?
Now . . . Don't get your underwear all in a pinch now . . . but here comes the numbers. (And Yes, you may take notes.
THERE WILL BE A TEST!
Oh Deer, Is Right!
Deer goes in the back of the truck or in the trunk and . . . "no accident is reported."
So let's add in the non-reported accidents and "round up" the 50,000 number to 52,000 car/deer accidents per year . . . or 1,000 car-deer accidents per week. br>
Say what...????
Thousand a week seemed pretty high to me, too. But there's 83 counties in Michigan and that's a lot of pavement. Consider this: Michigan has a total of 120,256 miles of paved roadway (9,716 miles of state trunkline, 89,755 miles of county roads, and 20,785 miles of city and village streets).
Michigan also has over 7 million drivers.
Just in case your ever on Jeopardy, the longest highway in Michigan is I-75, which runs 395 miles from the Ohio border to the International Bridge in Sault Ste. Marie.
And . . . There's (obviously) places, other than Michigan to hit a deer.
Best chance to hit a deer? . . . West Virginia . . . during November.
According to State Farm Insurance: For the sixth year in a row, West Virginia tops the list of states where an individual driver is most likely to run into a deer. Using claims data and state licensed driver counts from the Federal Highway Administration, State Farm® calculates the chances of a West Virginia motorist striking a deer over the next 12 months at 1 in 40
In each of the top five states,
the rate of deer-related collisions per driver went up from a year ago:
the rate of deer-related collisions per driver went up from a year ago:
Before we finish up here . . .
Do you "swear on a stack of bibles" that you READ THE FINE PRINT DISCLAIMER? Seriously . . . Read the damn disclaimer. If my wife finds out that you didn't read the disclaimer, there's gonna be hell to pay. You don't even have to scroll up. Here it is again . . . in green, this time -- in case you're color-blind.
Disclaimer: I am not serious about this. I do not condone driving over the speed limit. I am never "serious" when I write in this space on MyBayCity. You should not take me seriously. You should not take anything about me seriously. If you hit a deer next week, it's not my fault. Don't even try to make it my fault. Seriously . . . Don't believe anything I say . . . EVER!
You paid the big money. You are still reading.
Impressive.
Here's the straight "skinny." (The reason you came to class today)
According to the Federal Highway Administration
Men drive an average of 16,550 miles each year.
Women drive an average 10,472 miles each year. (Backseat driving hours are not counted.)
Average speed per person . . . Let's say 55 miles per hour. (Stay with me on this, reader.)
So, men are on the road 300 hours per year and women are on the road 190 hours per year. (You figure out the hours per day -- it's reasonable.)
CONCENTRATE NOW:
There are 1,000 accidents per week, so let's assume the men have 500 of those accidents. To clarify, we know that Michigan men:
Oh yeah . . . there are 3.5 million men drivers in Michigan.
So, the math is "easy" -- It's 500 accidents per person per week times 52 weeks per year divided by 16,550 miles per person per year divided by 3.5 million male drivers times 55 miles per hour driven = one accident for every 1,715 hours driven by Michigan male drivers.
Whew!
So, there's gonna be one highway car/deer accident for every 1,715 hours that men drive. It just follows, if you drive faster, you'll be on the road for less time and therefore have less chance of hitting a deer.
To make my point perfectly clear . . . in case there are still non-believers . . . Think of it this way . . .
If you NEVER drive on a Michigan highway, you can't possibly hit a deer . . . Can you?
I rest my case.
Drive Faster . . . Hit fewer deer.
Simple as that . . .
Class dismissed.
Disclaimer: I am not serious about this. I do not condone driving over the speed limit. I am never "serious" when I write in this space on MyBayCity. You should not take me seriously. You should not take anything about me seriously. If you hit a deer next week, it's not my fault. Don't even try to make it my fault. Seriously . . . Don't believe anything I say . . . EVER!
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O. J. Cunningham |
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