But Wait! . . . There's More! . . . (There's Always More)

May 17, 2015
By: O. J. Cunningham

I don't know what it is about me and French Fries and Ketchup . . . One thing certain, it's a "Love-Hate" relationship.

I developed my French Fry "Fetish" way back in the 1970s when McDonald's showed up in Bay City with 10 cent hamburger and five cent fries.

I realized immediately that French Fries were the perfect "delivery system" to get the ketchup from the plate to my mouth. It took another 25 years for everyone else to find out that Ketchup is a vegetable . . . I was decades ahead of my time.

More than likely, you're like me . . . Got no discretionary time to make fries at home.

I can peel 'em. (One potato actually makes a lot of fries.) I can slice 'em. (We got cutting boards and Wusthof knives. We're cool.)

But who has time for the hot grease nightmare just to get some ketchup into your mouth . . . And the deep fryer full of hot grease when you're done is . . . admit it, a kitchen disaster.

But now to the rescue comes Jiffy Fries . . . Hot delicious fries in just 3 minutes. Any kind you can name . . . Steak fries. Curly fries. Waffle fries. Sweet potato fries.

No hot oil required.

And you can "fry" them in a microwave oven.

We still need to peel and cut but hey . . . Rome wasn't built in a day.

JIFFY FRIES OFFER DETAILS: -- Order today and you will receive the Jiffy Fries' French Fries Cooker and Jiffy Fries' Dipping Cup for just $10.00 plus $4.95 P&H, plus Jiffy will send you a 2nd Jiffy Fries' French Fries Cooker and Jiffy Fries' Dipping Cup for FREE, (Just pay the separate $4.95 P&H)

You can see the on line video here: https://www.jiffyfries.com/

I was "this close" to buying into the Jiffy Fries program . . . and then, they just couldn't control themselves. Oh . . . Of course I knew the "But Wait" was coming. But they couldn't stop there. The Jiffy Fry marketeers just couldn't control their self adulation.

They had me at "fries" . . . I envisioned myself scooping ketchup onto one of these Jiffy Fry delights and slurping it into my mouth . . .

All of a sudden, they started throwing cheese onto their fries -- Buffalo Fries . . .

But wait . . . there's more.

Next it was cheese and bacon . . . "If you want crunchy with your fries."

They already had the near-perfect product. I was ready to call and buy. But they just couldn't keep it in their pants.

I realized that these were not "my kinda fry people" like I had originally thought. There were no purists at Jiffy Fry . . . not by any definition.

They were "anything for a buck" people who cared little for me and my my ketchup fetish comrades . . . These were marketing heathens that had fallen from the true ketchup-French Fry fold of believers.

Cheese? Bacon? Crunchy?

Heathens, I say.

These are not the cult words of French Fry Fetish. Say No to Cheese. Say No to Bacon. Fries that go "crunch?"

Move away from that Jiffy Fryer and keep your hands where I can see them.

Fellow Fetish French Fry Followers . . . Consider yourselves warned. THESE JIFFY FRY FOLKS ARE NOT THE CHOSEN ONES.

Right now, I'm headed to the nearest "Mickey D's" to cleanse myself. No drive-thru today. No tiny ketchup packs for me to rip open with my teeth. I'm going inside and ordering a LARGE French Fry. All I can think about RIGHT NOW is those 10 little ketchup buckets that I'm gonna fill to the brim.

It might take multiple trips to McDonald's to get this Jiffy Fry nonsense out of my mind.

But I'm up to the challenge.