Thinking Out Loud
May 6, 2012
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By: Diane Szczepanski
"If there is something you must do and you cannot do it,
you cannot do anything else." ~ Mignon McLaughlin
'Murphy's Law' in my world:
The morning of a date with someone, I will develop a zit on my normally clear complexion. To ensure the full effect of my acute self-consciousness, it will sprout dead center on my nose.
I will try to hide it with makeup and concealer, which ultimately just makes it more noticeable.
My only pair of pantyhose will run 15 minutes before I'm supposed to be at a big work meeting. I'll scurry and switch to the last clean pair of dress pants in my closet, only to discover the hem is ripped out on the bottom of one pant leg.
I will staple it and hope nobody notices.
I'll discover, during a frantic search of supplies, that I'm shy one (yet key) ingredient in the dessert dish I'm supposed to take to a gathering. I haven't showered yet, I'm due to be there in an hour and it's unlikely my neighbor will have kumquats I can borrow.
I stop on my way and buy a pie at Meijer's instead.
A nail on the manicure I JUST had, will smudge as I carefully try to buckle my seat belt when I leave the salon. I will get out and return, have her fix it, apologizing profusely all the while, only to do it again when I get back in the car.
Feeling too foolish and clumsy at this point, I'll just leave. The swearing under my breath lasts approximately 3-4 miles.
When I've nicely lowered myself into a hot relaxing bath, the doorbell will ring. I leave trails of puddles as I discreetly run and peek through my window to see who is there. Only to discover it's a door to door solicitor.
I will grumble and undoubtedly, slip on the water that accumulated on the linoleum floor, as I re-enter the bathroom.
I'll never find my gloves when it's cold, my umbrella when it's raining or my sunscreen during clear blue skies.
Time spent cooking a nice meal for my son, will be on a day he's "not that hungry". He'll be "starving" the day before a grocery shopping trip, when even Old Mother Hubbard would look at MY cupboards and pity ME.
I'll drop spaghetti sauce on the kitchen floor, near my white cupboards, never a bottle of water. The toast will burn when it's my last slice of bread. The filter in the coffee pot will fold over, pushing grounds into the pot, on a morning I have no time to remake another.
I've realized over the years, there are so many things that keep repeating themselves. Life with it's infinite unpredictability, is also actually pretty predictable.
Just like you, I grin and bear it, hope for the best most days and try to use some of Murphy's Law to my advantage.
I'm going to go wash my car now.
We need the rain.
Columns Article 6963
Business-woman by day, confessed boot addict by night and 'wanna-be' writer, music lover and proud Mom of an awesome guitar playing, teen son.
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