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You Think I Know
But . . . I Really Don't

December 19, 2010       2 Comments
By: O. J. Cunningham

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My whole life, I always thought it was good to be in the know.

The nuns at St. James always thought I should know the right answer.

So . . . I always knew the right answer.

But . . . Know what?

Now that I'm getting along in years, (Know what I mean?), I'm not so sure now that it's always good to be in the know.

Worse yet is when everyone thinks you know . . . cuz you've been in the know for a long time . . . but now you know that you're not in the know anymore . . . but everyone still thinks you know.

I know you can understand.

I also know that you're screaming for an example right about now.

Here it is.

It's Christmas Eve . . . somebody wants to set up the new WII that little nephew Igor got from Santa and then connect it -- via Aunt Frieda's new Windows-7, 64-bit laptop to the newly un-boxed Vizio "Grand Theatre" with 16 speakers of dynamic wrap-around sound.

I know right away that none of the people in the room know how to connect all this gadgetry. I also know that there's a damn good chance that I can't do it either.

There's the difference.

I know I don't know.

Unfortunately . . . they (the others in the room) don't know that I don't know.

Pretty soon, someone always speaks the infamous phrase . . . "SOMEBODY OUTTA"

You should always listen for it.

You'll hear it more often than you think you will. (If you're listening, that is.)

Right now, I bet . . . somebody you know . . . is using the SOMEBODY OUTTA . . .

"Somebody outta fix that sidewalk before gramma falls and breaks her neck."

Listen for it. Be alert. Pay attention. You'll hear it. I promise.

"Somebody outta call that Obama and let him know what the people really need as far as health care."

Listen Closely. Keep an open ear.

"Somebody outta go out and pick up pizza before the game starts."

I'm prattling . . . Forgive me . . .

If you're still reading, then you're probably waiting for some kind of revelation. And I'm pretty sure it's not gonna happen this week.

So ask yourself . . . Why ARE you still reading this column.

There's only one good answer -- Cuz YOU think I know.

You're pretty sure that you know too . . . But you're just checking to see if your level of know is better than my level of know. Know what I mean?

People do it all the time . . . Check to see how they measure up in the game of KNOW.

The best way for you to measure your personal level of know is to make a list of all the times you've been chosen to be a "phone a friend" when somebody you know makes it to the fast-finger round of Regis Philbin's Millionaire.

So . . . How many times have you been chosen . . .?

Right . . . Me neither . . .

So we have to take the next-best filter . . . How many times has someone said THIS to you . . .? "Know what? If I ever make it to Millionaire, I'm gonna pick you as one of my phone-a-friends."

Me neither.

Last chance for any semblance of dignity in the world of KNOW . . . If you did in fact make it to Millionaire . . . Who WOULD you pick for your phone a friend resource?

I think you would pick me.

(It could happen)

Dignity (Mine) salvaged.

Have you ever watched a football game on Saturday afternoon . . . and then as soon as the game was over . . . Did you go online to read the recap of the game by the Sports Illustrated or the ESPN writer?

I do it all the time . . . Know why?

Cuz I wanna know if the sports reporter "watched" the same game as I did. I want to know if he knows . . . not who won . . . but why they won. I'm checking on his level of know as compared to my level of know.

And . . . Know what . . .? Most of the time, they don't know Jack.

Ever taken that quiz where the quiz asks . . . Who you would like to have dinner with? Or be stranded on a desert island with? Anybody you want? Living or Dead?.

I know who you would pick.

It's always somebody that you think knows something that you want to know.

Whether it's Kennedy's assassination, Jesus' miracles, Sharon Stone's Ice Pick, John Lennon or even Dave Letterman . . . You pick based on your desire to know . . . cuz they know something about something that you want to know about.

I guess the bottom line is that you need to take me to lunch.

Know why?

Cuz I know the 1968 song that has the word "NO" in it . . . 90 times.

And you don't KNOW . . .

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"The BUZZ" - Read Feedback From Readers!

GreenDog says:       On December 20, 2010 at 10:58 AM
Human Beinz ---> Nobody but You
I always loved the Shing-a-Ling
George Lynch says:       On December 20, 2010 at 11:04 AM
(written by Ronald / O'Kelley / Rudolph Isley)
recorded by The Isley Brothers (1962)
also recorded by the Human Beinz (1968)

No no no no no no no no no
No no no no no no no no
No no no no no no no no
No no no no no

Nobody can do
The shing-a-ling
Like I do

No no no no no no no no no
No no no no no no no no
No no no no no no no no
No no no no no

Nobody can do
the skate
Like I do

No no no no no no no no no
No no no no no no no no
No no no no no no no no
No no no no no

Nobody can do
The boogaloo
Like I do

No no no no no no no no no
No no no no no no no no
No no no no no no no no
No no no no no

Nobody can do
the spinning
Like I do

Well don't you know I'm gonna skate
I'm doin', ain't nobody doin'
But me baby
Nobody but me

Yes i gonna spin, I'm doin'
Ain't nobody doin'
But me baby
Nobody but me

Well let me tell you nobody
Nobody but me
Well let me tell you
Nobody, nobody, nobody,
Agree? or Disagree?

O. J. Cunningham

O. J. Cunningham is the Publisher of Cunningham previously published Sports Page & Bay City Enterprise. He is the President/CEO of OJ Advertising, Inc.

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